Modern Motherhood in a Disconnected, Connected World
Reclaiming Connection and Joy in the Age of Digital Parenting
Once upon a time, in a world not too far from our own, mothers raised their babies in small communities, surrounded by wise old grandmothers, nosy neighbours, and women who had seen it all before. If a baby wasn’t sleeping, someone would rock them. If a mother was struggling, someone would make her tea. If she was unsure, there was always someone with advice—sometimes useful, sometimes baffling, always immediate.
But those villages have disappeared. And in their place? The Internet.
Welcome to modern motherhood, where answers are no longer whispered by a trusted friend but shouted by a thousand anonymous voices online. A mother, bleary-eyed at 3 a.m., doesn’t turn to her own instincts. She turns to Google. Or, more specifically, she types into a search bar: ‘Is it normal for a baby to wake up every hour or am I failing as a mother?’ (Spoiler: it’s normal, and no, she’s not failing.)
Information Overload: A Blessing and a Curse
The Internet can be a magical thing. Where once mothers were limited to the advice of whoever happened to be nearby, now they have access to every expert, every study, every personal anecdote at the click of a button. Need to know how to swaddle? There’s a video for that. Wondering if your baby’s poo is the right colour? There’s an entire forum dedicated to it.
And yet, with this vast sea of knowledge comes a storm of confusion. There are ten different ‘right’ ways to feed, sleep, and soothe a baby. It’s enough to make anyone confused and overwhelmed. In fact, a study found that parents who frequently use social media for parenting advice experience greater stress and uncertainty. Instead of feeling empowered, they feel overwhelmed, unsure whether to follow ‘gentle parenting,’ ‘strict routines,’ or simply throw their phone out of the window and hope for the best. And with new mothers spending an average of six hours a day on their phones, often scrolling through social media and parenting forums, there’s no wonder that they feel constant pressure and information overload.
The Rise of Online Communities: Connection or Isolation?
Of course, the Internet isn’t just about information—it’s about people. Online communities for mothers have flourished, offering connection and support, particularly for those without a village of their own. A new mum in a tiny apartment in London can chat with another in New York, swapping stories, advice, and survival tips for the dreaded four-month sleep regression.
But while online friendships can be powerful, they don’t always replace the deep, instinctual comfort of in-person connection. Research suggests that face-to-face interactions release oxytocin—the ‘love hormone’ that helps new mothers bond, feel safe, and reduce stress. A message of support on WhatsApp is nice, but it won’t hold your baby while you shower.
The ‘Perfect Mother’ Myth: Social Media’s Greatest Trick
Before smartphones, comparison was limited to the few mothers you saw in the park or at baby groups and I even found that hard to handle. But now, it’s global. Every scroll through Instagram reveals perfectly curated images of spotless homes, smiling babies, and mothers who have, miraculously, managed to get dressed.
For some, this is inspiring. For others, it’s soul-crushing. Studies have shown that social media fuels unrealistic expectations of motherhood, leading to increased anxiety, guilt, and the nagging feeling that everyone else is coping better.
The Real Impact?
Women are entering motherhood with less confidence than ever before. Bombarded by information, surrounded by curated perfection, they feel they must be everything—nurturing yet ambitious, natural yet tech-savvy, devoted yet independent. And somewhere in the midst of it all, the joy of simply being a mother gets lost.
A 2023 Pew Research Center survey found that larger shares of mothers than fathers say being a parent is tiring and stressful. The pressure of digital comparison and the overwhelming influx of online information are significant contributors to this exhaustion.
And what about the impact on the Parent-Child Interaction? Research published in JAMA Pediatrics in 2021 found that mothers who spent more time on their phones during caregiving reported feeling more stressed and less satisfied with their parenting. This phenomenon is sometimes referred to as “technoference,” a term used to describe the interference of technology in family life.
Bringing the Joy Back to Motherhood
The Internet isn’t going anywhere. And let’s be honest, it can be brilliant. But if we want to use it in a way that helps rather than hinders, we need to take charge.
In Jonathan Haidt’s The Anxious Generation he says
“In a phone-based life, we are exposed to an extraordinary amount of content, much of it chosen by algorithms and pushed to us via notifications that interrupt whatever we were doing. It’s too much, and a lot of it pulls us downward on the divinity dimension. If we want to spend most of our lives above zero on that dimension, we need to take back control of our inputs. We need to take back control of our lives.”
Whilst this book is focused on the great rewiring of childhood and the impact on mental illness, the information is still relevant to us all.
Curate, don’t consume. A 2019 study published in Journal of Consumer Research found that excessive information can lead to “choice paralysis,” where people struggle to make decisions and feel less satisfied afterward. Choose a few trusted sources and stick to them. Ditch the endless scrolling for real conversations.
Measure non-screen time instead of limiting screen time. A 2021 study in JAMA Pediatrics found that parents who prioritised offline activities over digital restriction had better emotional regulation and lower stress levels. Instead of focusing on cutting down, enjoy prioritising moments away from the digital world—walks, real-life chats, moments of stillness. I’ve also found some books to offer both advice and respite from the intensity of parenting over the years from the hilarious Hurrah for Gin: A book for perfectly imperfect parents by Katie Kirby, to the real and relatable Things I Wish I'd Known: Women tell the truth about motherhood by Victoria Young to the honest and impactful Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids: 7 Keys to Turn Family Conflict into Cooperation by Sura Hart and Victoria Kindle Hodson, these books have often held me, made me feel normal and given me a giggle or too along the way!
Find your offline village. Face-to-face interactions release oxytocin, which lowers stress, promotes bonding, and improves maternal mental health. While online support is valuable, research suggests that in-person relationships provide deeper, more meaningful support.
Brene Brown “Connection is why we’re here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. The energy that is created in that connection is a source of joy and strength.”
Set Digital Boundaries. Setting specific times for social media use prevents unconscious scrolling and reduces exposure to unrealistic comparisons. Creating “phone-free” zones during bonding moments enhances connection.
Reconnect With Your Instincts. A 2022 study in Developmental Psychology found that mothers who trusted their own parenting instincts reported lower stress levels and stronger emotional bonds with their children. Constant external validation (seeking answers online) weakens self-trust. Tuning into personal instincts strengthens confidence in maternal decision-making.
Remember: the Internet is not the expert on your baby. Your instincts, your experience, and your love? Those are the things that truly matter. These aren’t just feel-good tips—they’re backed by science and proven to help women feel more confident and fulfilled in their motherhood journey.
In the end, modern motherhood can be a wild, complicated, beautiful thing. The Internet can be a tool or a trap, a village or a void. And I want to see a world in which new mothers learn when to listen—and when to close the laptop, put down the phone, and simply be.