More Than a Due Date: Preparing for Life After Birth

The journey doesn’t end at birth—it’s only the beginning.

Last night, I had dinner with a wonderful group of women, all nearing the end of their pregnancies and preparing to welcome their first baby. The evening, hosted by The Om Journey and called Let’s Be Honest, was exactly that—an open, honest conversation about the realities of motherhood.

One thing that stood out to me was just how much women go through before they even meet their baby. Pregnancy itself is a whirlwind of physical, emotional, and mental change. It’s no surprise that looking beyond the birth—to postpartum, to how they might feel, to what they might need—can feel almost impossible. After all, birth has a clear endpoint, a deadline to prepare for. But what comes after? That part is less tangible, harder to plan for, and often pushed aside.

It's no secret that humans are wired to prepare for imminent events. The birth of a child is a tangible milestone, a circled date on the calendar. We rally our resources, attend classes, and meticulously plan for the big day. But what of the days, weeks, and months that follow? The postpartum period, though equally significant, lacks the immediacy of a due date, making it feel like a distant shore rather than the next step in our voyage.

Yet, this transition—matrescence—is profound. It’s not just about becoming a mother; it’s about shifting identity. Research shows that many new parents experience a loss of self, not because they no longer know who they are, but because the choices that once defined them—career, social life, independence, time for self-care—are suddenly in flux. The mental load grows heavier, priorities shift, and in the midst of caring for a newborn, it’s easy to forget you still exist as an individual.

Studies have shown that up to 1 in 5 women experience mental health challenges, such as anxiety or depression, during pregnancy or after childbirth. source Yet, discussions about postpartum wellbeing often take a backseat, overshadowed by prenatal preparations and plans for breast feeding, swaddling and baby monitors – all of which are essential preparations but it’s clear, where is the mother in these preparations?

How, then, do we encourage women to think beyond the birth? To carve out even a small space for themselves in this journey?

At dinner last night, the conversation was filled with excitement, preparation, and discussions about the baby—where they might sleep, how to swaddle them, the best way to ensure they get the nutrients they need early on. There was talk of the best baby carriers and monitors and how to navigate those first few weeks. All completely valid, all undeniably important.

But what if we flipped the script?

Everything we instinctively plan for our baby—nurturing, soothing, guiding—are things we also need as new mothers. What if we approached postpartum with the same level of care and preparation? Let’s take a closer look:

Curiosity

We are endlessly curious about our babies—learning their cries, understanding their sleep cues, figuring out what soothes them. We research, we observe, we adapt. But how often do we extend that same curiosity towards ourselves? Embracing this journey with a mindset rooted in curiosity allows us to meet the 'new you' with open arms. Matrescence is not just about becoming a mother; it is about rediscovering who we are within this new role.

Empathy

We instinctively show empathy towards our baby, knowing they are learning to exist in a world that is entirely new to them. We soothe, we reassure, we understand their struggles. But do we offer ourselves the same grace? The shift into motherhood is a transformation—emotionally, physically, and mentally. Being kind to ourselves, acknowledging that we too are navigating uncharted territory, can be one of the most powerful tools in adapting to this new chapter. Instead of self-criticism—Why am I struggling? Why don’t I have this figured out?—imagine if we extended the same gentleness to ourselves that we do to our baby.

Love
Unconditional. Instinctual. Animalistic almost. Love for our child is unwavering, a force that shapes everything we do. Yet, cultivating love for ourselves—real, intentional self-love—can feel unfamiliar. But it matters. The way we care for ourselves sets an example for our children. If they grow up seeing a mother who respects her needs, values her time, and embraces self-care without guilt, they internalise that as normal.

Rest

We prioritise rest for our baby—meticulously planning nap schedules, ensuring they sleep well, recognising that rest is essential for growth. But what about us? Sleep deprivation, exhaustion, and burnout are often worn as badges of honour in early motherhood. But rest is not a luxury; it is a necessity. Protecting moments for sleep, relaxation, and stillness is not selfish—it’s survival.

Presence

We engage, we teach, we encourage. We are present for every milestone—watching them grasp, crawl, walk, talk. We know that our presence is fundamental to their sense of security. But are we present with ourselves? Do we check in with our own needs, our emotions, our shifts in identity? Motherhood is consuming, but presence isn’t just about being there for our children—it’s also about being in tune with ourselves.

If we step back and look at these essentials—curiosity, empathy, love, rest, presence—it becomes clear that they are just as crucial for the mother as they are for the baby. The transition into motherhood is not just about raising a child; it’s about raising ourselves into this new version of who we are becoming. Recognizing and supporting their transition is vital, fostering a harmonious environment for the entire family.

So I wondered, if in theory, this all makes sense, then why is the message still not quite getting through? I started playing around with a drawing to see if there was something that could be created to summarise the important of self? That looking after oneself is not selfish, it is strength? That thinking about one’s own needs is the ultimate act of love for the whole family? A way to simplify the needs of baby and mother all in one.

So, as we prepare to nurture our babies with endless love, curiosity, and empathy, let’s not forget to extend the same to ourselves. Motherhood isn’t about losing who we were—it’s about evolving into who we are becoming. The same tenderness, curiosity, and presence we pour into our children should be reflected back onto us. Because a nurtured mother isn’t just better for herself—she’s better for her baby too.